You asked me what scares me, because you seemed to think that nothing did.
Good gravy, I’m sorry that I’ve given that impression. I’m scared of just about everything – there are fewer bigger scaredy cats than me.
I’m scared of falling – to the point where I’ve sat on a bench and sobbed instead of just falling over onto the 3′ of foam cushions & the waiting arms of a friend.
Scared of failing – pretty much take any definition of fail and I’m afraid of it – disappointing people, not doing the job as well as I should, afraid of not being successful even when I know I learn the greatest lessons in failure.
Scared of people, which is the one that makes me laugh the hardest – I’m terrified of letting people know what I really feel and what I really think. I spent the first 20 years of my life constantly the new kid and ostracized and periodically beaten for being “the new kid”.
The reason I work so hard to overcome my fears is that I have to live and living inside the walls of my fears would rapidly change my life from a life to bubble wrap – supposedly fun & cool & safe, but very quickly extremely unengaging.
I’m scared of not leaving any lasting impression on the world. Ultimately, though, I’m not the one who’ll decide if people remember me or what I did, because by the time that’s relevant, I’ll be gone. So – I try to deal with my fear. Sometimes I overcompensate in enormous ways and I wind up convincing people I care about that nothing frightens me.
Nothing could be farther from the truth. After all – people I care about? They are the ones I fear the most, cause they can cut my heart out with a single word.