Trying but failing. I don’t know how to explain to you how much this hurts or how much I hate that you don’t seem to care.
I hate feeling like this. I loathe the way it makes me want to behave. I’m trying to be responsible for my own stuff but it is hard when I hit that wall over & over.
Maybe it’s time to acknowledge defeat & choose a next step. After all, change may scare me but the self-loathing for letting this happen is worse.
The next time you’re going to push yourself like this, perhaps having a plan on how you’re going to deal with the rest of your day might be in order, you mindless twit?
Yes, yes, you’re very strong and we’re all terribly impressed with your single-minded idiocy that leaves you weak as a kitten and whimpering in a corner because you don’t have the brains god gave a tuna fish who’d know “hey, this is becoming a bad idea – why don’t you call (or whatever it is that fish do) for help?”
Stop whining, take some pain pills, get some rest and try to pretend that you won’t do this to yourself again or that at least I won’t have to listen to you whinge that you’re in pain again from something you knew bloody well was going to hurt.
No, really, I wish there was an easier way. I wish there was a way I could explain to you what I think & feel that didn’t inevitably wind up with one or both of us grumpy or confused.
I know you don’t always know that state winds up being achieved, but then again, I’m incredibly good at masking my feelings (quiet all you who think I wear my heart on my sleeve – trust me, y’all don’t see everything). Plus I’m not always positive you’d appreciate hearing me say again that I feel like you don’t understand what I’m saying.
Especially when we do it in writing. Hell, part of this blog exercise is to teach me to be able to put words on “paper” that allows me to organize them enough that I have a chance of being understood.
[reads the above]
Okay – so that won’t be today.
Don’t get me wrong. I still think you’re awesome. I wouldn’t have invested the time I have in you if I didn’t. I just wish there was an easier way to let what’s in my head out without all the rest of the nonsense getting in the way.
You don’t dialogue with someone. You talk to them. Grah.